Attachment, The Struggles & How To Let Go

"The root of suffering is attachment." - Buddha

An emotional attachment is a bond or closeness you feel very strongly. This can be towards people, possessions, places, beliefs, habits etc.

Some level of emotional attachment is good.

However, it can get really unhealthy when it starts to restrict your freedom and you can’t move on.

You can recognise if you're attached to something in an unhealthy manner when you know you need to move on from a situation/person, or let go of something that you know does not serve you but, you can’t.

Common Unhealthy Attachment Examples

Do you struggle with letting go of emotional attachments? I do.

Holding on to the past, memories, possessions and people are some of the common examples of what people struggle to let go.

Past

The difference between the past and memories is that when you are attached to the past, you keep thinking about what has happened.

Not being able to change it, having regrets or guilt adds on to your suffering.

Memories

Being attached to memories may just be that you're unable to delete pictures or that you even write down significant memories so that you don't forget it.

Wishing to re-live those memories and not being able to can lead you to suffer.

Possessions

There is an endless list of the amount of materialistic things that you could be attached to. From toys, to your favourite pen or house.

People

I believe that being attached to people is the biggest cause of emotional suffering and the most difficult to move on from.

Being attached to people can bring suffering by holding onto grudges, past relationships, situations and toxic people.

Beliefs

This could be an unconscious factor for many people. A lot of us could be holding on to limiting beliefs that we aren't even aware of!

Some of us may be struggling to let go of certain beliefs for reasons such as, "this is what I have been taught" or "this is what I have always experienced!!"

Habits

Habits become a lifestyle. There are many bad habits such as smoking - that turn into addictions and are hard to let go of.

How To Let Go

Remember: Everything in life comes and goes. Nothing is permanent. Everything must go.

Emotional attachments can really hold us back from living fully and increase our suffering.

A great thing about suffering is that we can choose how much we want to suffer. Strange right?

The truth is that we will always lose something/someone in life. We can't control that. But we can choose when to move on.

That's the first step- decide that now you want to move on and commit.

Learn To Detach Through Meditation

Whatever we hold on to makes us feel some level of importance, gives value or dependence and this may be due to deep rooted insecurities.

For example, you may not be able to leave your toxic boyfriend/girlfriend because you fear that you will end up alone.

Your fears and thoughts about what you are attached to will make it difficult to move on.

By practicing meditation you will slowly learn how to detach from your thoughts. You will realise that your thoughts are not you and that you can consciously choose what you let enter your mind and dwell over.

Change The Narrative

This is honestly the greatest method that I have learnt to get over emotional attachments and I hope you take this away and apply it in your life!

The stories that we tell in our mind about the significance of a memory, person, thing, friendship and so on, are what keeps us attached.

The first time that I realised that, my mind was blown!

This applies to everything! When you feel guilty about something, what do you constantly say to yourself?

"That wasn't good, why did I do that, I hurt their feelings."

When you can't let go of someone, what do you constantly say to yourself?

"He/she was so special, I have never felt like that with anyone else before, they were everything to me."

"This is the home that my family grew up in, I can't sell it!"

Recognise what you tell yourself in every situation and change the narrative!

He/she may have made you feel special, so what? How do you feel right now?

You may have hurt someone before, and you feel guilty. That's great you have realised your mistakes so now you can let go.

Our body changes every 11 months, every thing is different so technically you are not even the same person you were a year ago.

Sell that house! You made great memories, now you have an opportunity to give that to someone else and who knows, maybe there is something better waiting for you.

There is always something better!

Something that I have learnt about when I have a crush on someone or can't let go is that I tend to see that persons potential or how they made me feel which makes me want to hold on.

It all comes down to the narrative. Seeing potential is great, but that person is not what you see, you will only be disappointed when you start to expect what someone is meant to be like in your mind.

When friendships end there could be a sense of betrayal, hopelessness and hurt that you would have never thought you would experience.

What people say, how they think and act is not in our control. All we can do is control how we react and feel and that is pretty big!

It can change everything.

Choose to let go, learn to detach and change the narrative.

Also remember that you are breaking a habit, you are trying to change the way you think and your beliefs, so don't be too hard on yourself when these changes don't come into fruition overnight!

Read, share, comment and let me know what you think!