the four agreements summary & review

*Spoilers*

Synopsis

‘The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom’ is a self-help, personal growth book that includes Toltec teachings.

The book consists of detailed information of four agreements (as stated in the title) that will help elevate your way of living.

The four agreements are: be impeccable with your word, don’t take anything personally, don’t make assumptions, and always do your best.

Chapters:

Introduction:

The book starts off by talking about how society, parents, and our environment programs us.

This includes how to act around others, how to talk, and most importantly how we learn to punish and reward ourselves when a behaviour is acceptable or not.

Our environment, experiences, and people also shape and create a belief system.

Many people are not even aware of some of the beliefs they have because they have been ingrained into our subconscious so strongly.

Our belief systems give us different perceptions and so we never really see beyond what we perceive and believe, and this can make it difficult to see eye to eye.

It’s almost as if we are all living our own individual dreams due to our perception and beliefs, and that can fog up our reality.

Hell, and heaven are used as metaphors to describe our state of living.

For example, our negative emotions, pleasing and living according to our society, violence and injustice are all ways of living in hell.

Heaven would be living joyfully, with passion, authentically, and truly freely.

If we want to change our “dream” we can change our beliefs.

We should adopt the four agreements because they are life changing.

They will help us let go of old agreements, however, it will take a lot of willpower.

First Agreement: Be Impeccable With Your Word

Misusing your word for lies and negativity towards yourself and others is described as black magic.

Words can put on spells on people, completely ruining their livelihood.

For example, if you call someone ugly especially when they're at a young age (because they're more prone to believing it), they may live many years of their life believing that they’re ugly.

Just that one comment could lead someone to have low self-esteem and confidence, impacting every aspect of their life.

Self-rejection, gossiping, spreading envy and hate are all bad uses of speech and it’ll leave you living in hell.

Spreading positivity, love, and kindness to yourself will spread on to other people.

Don’t spread doubts and fear like Hitler did.

It can really have tragic consequences.

Keeping your word also builds respect and integrity.

It shows value, consistency, and helps to build trust.

Someone that never keeps their word, and their actions are always mismatched can never be trusted.

Be impeccable with your word to change your life.

Second Agreement: Don’t Take Anything Personally

People change with moods and say things they don’t mean.

We also have conflict in our minds because of our belief systems.

Some beliefs may contradict each other which is why many people do not know what they want or how.

If people lie to you it's because they're not honest with themselves.

You can end your suffering if you believe people's actions and not words.

Walking away from something that is not respectful or loving towards you will give you freedom and your heart will heal from the pain caused by doing so.

Taking nothing personally will release you from unnecessary suffering.

When someone likes you it’s because they value the qualities they see in you.

When someone hates you it’s because of how they feel, their own beliefs and perception.

What they think has nothing to do with you.

You don’t have to drink the emotional poison people want you to consume.

Release negative feelings by taking nothing personally.

You can still remain open to others but with trust in yourself that you will make the correct choices.

Even if someone makes mean comments or does something that could hurt you – it won't because you know that it has nothing to do with you.

Third Agreement: Don’t Make Assumptions

We tend to make assumptions about how someone else feels and thinks.

Then we react to what we assume and make a big drama about it for nothing.

We defend our assumptions, gossip and don’t ask for clarification.

We see what we want to see and hear what we want to hear causing us to misunderstand and misinterpret everything.

We assume people close to us should know how we feel and what we’re thinking, hence they should know how to behave and fulfil our needs.

And then we get upset when we know this isn't the case (so relatable!)

Knowing what you want and having clear communication is what will save your relationship and help you have good relationships.

That’s the key to everything.

First knowing what you want, keeping faith that you will get it, and then communicating it to those that matter.

Sometimes people get into a relationship with someone that they like and justify why they should stay with them and ignore everything they dislike hoping that their partner could change overtime.

The only problem in the relationship is the person that expects their partner to change.

Soon they’ll realise that no one changes unless they want to, then cause problems and the whole relationship will end terribly.

Instead of trying to change our partners, find someone that meets everything you want.

Don’t force things or put expectations on others.

Self-rejection is also a very common concept when you assume what others are thinking.

Sometimes we tend to justify why someone might have behaved against us by finding faults in ourselves and strengthening our insecurities.

We reject ourselves before we hear the actual reason.

Accept that it is what it is and remind yourself that you can have anything you want in this life; everything is in your hands.

Fourth Agreement: Always Do Your Best

Always do your best in any circumstance.

No more or less.

Your best will vary according to how you feel or circumstance for example, you will do better if you are healthy opposed to sick or sober opposed to drunk or you feel energetic opposed to tired.

But you can still try and do your best.

The only limit is in your mind.

If you try too hard than your best, then you spend more energy than needed and if you do less then you’ll feel guilty or regret etc.

Just do your best because you always can and don’t judge yourself, so you won't sink into negative emotions and self-punishment or rejection.

You should perform your best because you like it not because you have to otherwise you will actually not do your best.

Many people do things to gain a reward such as stay in a job they don’t like.

Its comfortable and it gives safety because you know the cheque will enable you to pay your bills and cover all your expenses.

But if you keep doing what you don’t want, the reward will not satisfy you in the end.

Action is everything, it’s the way of life.

Act to express your dreams and take risks because that’s your life and it's your right.

Do your best in everything!

Even when you shower, tell your body you love it, feed it properly, and do what it needs.

Then you'll receive everything you need.

Take care of yourself the best that you could.

Honour yourself by cleaning, respecting, feeding and healing your body.

Love and enjoy it.

Make it a thing to keep these four agreements.

When you fail at keeping these agreements, just try again until it becomes a habit.

Keep doing it and one day it'll become easier and easier.

It'll transform your life.

These agreements will give you your personal freedom; you will get everything you want because you move with gratitude, love and intent.

That is life.

Likes & Dislikes

The book is short, easy to understand, and straightforward.

It explains why these four agreements are important to have by explaining how we tend to live our lives.

He then goes on to explaining three ways in which you could break all the old agreements.

I dislike how Don assumes that we all take things personally, make assumptions, don’t perform our best, and don’t keep our word.

Maybe most of do from time to time but I think with life experience you learn these agreements at some point.

Recommendation

I recommend this book to those that have started their personal growth journey because this will outline important aspects that need to be brought to awareness and then can slowly change.

It’s a short book so it would be good to read regardless.

Read, share, comment, and let me know what you think!